Supralapsarianism Supralapsarian Dec. to save preceeds (entails) vice-versa. Dec. to allow fall Felix Culpa Atonement central Fall (suffering) means to end PLANTINGA If god, world must be good <- even w/o infinitely the atonement

v. Infralapsarianism b/c of human freedom logically after but temporally simultaneous. Plantinga Like a pillar of fire. 12-edged, 6-faced. 8-cornered. Sphere

&is

∞*(6.1x10^9)+1

and the title "MIDDLE KNOWL. -> counterfactuals" over an image of an adam and eve in signage symbolism next to a serpent twined in a mushroom cloud.

~~~

This must be from The Problem of Evil. I took the most random notes in Carr's classes.

I found it really hard to get into the head of a kid, for some RPs. It actually took me a while to remember what I did as a kid....

I kept getting Barbies and I didn't really like them. I thought the clothes were interesting (how they weren't really miniature clothes because the buttons and velcro had to be big enough for kid fingers, and kids would look dollish on those clothes scaled up) and when I got the ones with bendy legs I snipped the rubber 'flesh' off so they could have better range of motion. I practiced finding a way to hold their arms and legs so I could 'puppeteer' them to walk naturally-looking. My friend Danielle would play out scenes with them. She played things like "Ken picks up Barbie for a dinner date and they talk about what jobs they want to have" and "Barbie goes running, gets a cramped leg, and visits a massage parlor" and I always wanted her to play Ken because they weren't ever scenarios I imagined.

Me and my neighbor Angie played 'tattoo studio' where we drew out tattoos on a standing easel she had, like on the walls of a tattoo studio, (butterflies, skulls and rainbows, fancy letters, etc) and then took turns painting the tattoos on each other. We also listened to Ace of Base and made up new songs to the tunes. We tapped rilly quietly on her brother's drum set.

We drew top-down plans of stores and houses on a street, on our two driveways and the connecting sidewalk, and then pretended to go on errands, shop, and invite each other over.

I didn't like to be seen to be bad at anything. So when my dad tried to teach me how to ride a two wheel bike I was pretty unenthusiastic. She let me practice on her tiny tiny tiiiiiny old little kid bike until I could balance, and then one day just got on my regular size bike and rode normally. BOOYAH, Dad. I.. I'm actually pretty much still like this. I'm getting my boyfriend to help me practice driving, after putting it off 7 years.

We mixed stuff together a lot. We crunched up bits of plants and made stinky pondwater concoctions. I liked to cut paper into teeny tiny strips or teeny tiny triangles. My mom took away the scissors a lot.

My mom tried to interest us in what she and her cousin did as kids -- drawing designs for clothes, but we always wanted to play out a business, so we took orders from eachother to do designs. It wasn't a favorite.

With Alex (my real life Campion, seriously) I caught crayfish and snapping turtles in the park, using bologna for bait. We built stick forts, and bridges over creeks out of pallets. We played videogames and watched Star Wars. We built 'roller coaster rides' complete with theme scenery, down his basement steps with Hot Wheels parts. He taught me who the Ninja Turtles were. We pretended to be Power Rangers. (I was Brian, he was ... the Red one.) We made a 100% completion guide for our favorite video game (Spyro the Dragon) complete with illustrations.

I read loads and loads of books, mostly boys' adventure books (The Hatchet, Brian's Winter, My Side of the Mountain, Julie of the Wolves, etc.) and fantasy novels written by what I'd call 'feminist authors' (Tamora Pierce, Diane Duane, Madeline L'Engle, Ursula Le Guin) and I drew dragons. SO MANY DRAGONS. Younger, I read tons of Dr. Seuss. For the longest time I wouldn't read "Bartholemew and the Oobleck" because it was the last Dr. Seuss book at the library and I didn't want to have read them all, and not have any more. "The Butter Battle Book" was my favorite. It was so dark!

I wanted to be a spy. I read articles in Disney Adventures about dead drop points, and hiding things in plain sight, and false-bottomed drawers, and how to listen in secretly to phones. I imagined myself one day as this supergorgeous leggy thing in a fur coat, visiting ambassadors on coverstory 'official business', discreetly leaving envelopes of papers under the seats of park benches, trusting nobody, and wandering all on my own throughout moody grey eastern Europe.

I never imagined myself working for the USA. I ruthelessly double-agented in my imagination.

I worry sometimes that Tezzy is too much my neuroses writ large, but less of this than I thought would be is helpful.

It's at the bottom of a hill, but if I take the through-the-subdivision road to the nearest civilization (aka strip mall, grocery store, library, fast food) I get to walk up a hill and get a really spectacular view of the area (if you're into glacier landscapes and deciduous forest).

There's a grocery store, library, strip mall, Starbucks, bowling alley, convenience store, liquor store, a few decent restaurants, a gym if I ever have the money for a yoga class, and fast food in walking distance! There was a games store/nerd hobby shop but they just closed down -- the workers were asses anyway.

Just across the street there's a wedge of park with some picnic tables and grills, and hueg trees. (I call it my backyard)

It's my fear of slenderman, not any real dangers, keeping me from going out on foot at night. (a plus.)

The place is small enough that two computers heat it.

I have a mega-sized thingy of seasoning salt (MAKES ALL FOOD BETTER).

Bad things about my apartment: It'll never get full sun through any of the windows POOR PLANNING.

I don't like looking at a door through a mirror, much less a door through a door in a mirror of a mirror.

In other news, Coraline.

I remember high school graduation, and the valedictorian made a speech. And she quotes Polonius, "to thine own self be true" (which if you've read the rest of Hamlet, you know comes in a simpering paragraph of platitudes about looking good and making the right friends). And in the section behind me I hear an english teacher say to an art teacher in a mock-satisfied voice, "Ah, we taught them nothing."

I do not think that means what you think it means. Or, rather, Damn it Star Trek, if your captain's gonna be a lit nerd, GET IT RIGHT.

I was at an Indian restaurant and we had just gotten an appetizer served, and a family was being seated, parents and two kids. As they stood around getting a high chair dealt with, the older girl sidestepped over with a shy smile, and put a packet of Equal next to me on the table. And then scampered off.

...



I kept the Equal.

I'm reading a forum game of "Tacitus" which is a little like Calvinball only it's a bunch of people on a forum inventing and pretending to play a tabletop rpg. Inventing rules they invent 'sources' for the rules in imaginary rulebooks and games past. There are rules, mostly regarding 'don't break the illusion' 'don't explain the game' and 'don't prioritize winning over being entertaining' but no one quite says those out loud.

http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=572.0

if you don't follow, the premise is mostly-to-entirely based on community injokes referring to another game so don't worry too much.

I'm completely entertained, though I don't know quite how I'd explain this behavior to an anthropologist.







...

Darmok, and Jalad, at-
YO DATHON IM REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU, AND IMMA LET YOU FINISH, BUT BEYONCE HAD THE BEST MEME OF ALL TIME. OF ALL TIME.

So I ran into some 'interrupting Kanye' macros, and was SO CONFUSED. So I tracked the meme to its source and found this.

Which is probably old news to you, but wow what a douchetank.

I was just browsing through Fandomsecrets, and this led me to look up some of the music Leonard Nimoy has recorded, because tangent (it was so-so quality, like listening to a friend of yours with a decent voice do karaoke) and I wound up just feeling melancholy and sort of fond of these people, hugely popular actors (or authors) who are 'tied' in some way to hugely popular characters, and I just hope they're satisfied with what they've done, and happy, and mellow about the fandoms and the slash and the crazy shit, because they've contributed a lot to my mental life through their really good stories.

And I hope they have good friends who aren't sparkled by fandom that they can shoot the shit with because that's important stuff. And if I saw one walking down the street I'd say "Hey [x] you make good movies." and hope that isn't counter to this sentiment at all.

I AM WEIRDLY SENTIMENTAL FOR SOME REASON.

I've had a bunch of things I've thought about posting, but the one thing that pushes me over the edge into ACTUALLY posting is RAEG.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8197917.stm

The French are banning this thing jokingly called a "Burkini", basically a skirted wetsuit with a hood, made so Muslim women can swim in a pool and still feel like they are upholding their cultural standards of modesty.

Some US religious (christian) people have started selling similar things, out of a sense of modesty, and similar things existed in the past (think of Houdini in the water tank escape)

Some examples

Hell, I OWN one of them, since I don't like showing off that much skin, and I think Houdini was a fox.

The part that gets into my craw is the high-minded justifications... France doesn't want to abide "imprisoned women, deprived of identity" The second a government starts to say that they are 'freeing' a person or group by restricting what they can do is the second I start shouting against that government.

What this is really about.
1. What a woman chooses to put on her head, or her ass.
2. The fact that France doesn't like Muslim people.

I'm feeling too sputtery. Maybe I'll make more sense responding to comments.

suppose
Life is an old man carrying flowers on his head.

young death sits in a cafe
smiling, a piece of money held between
his thumb and first finger

(i say "will he buy flowers" to you
and "Death is young
life wears velour trousers
life totters, life has a beard" i

say to you who are silent. - "Do you see
Life? he is there and here,
or that, or this
or nothing or an old man 3 thirds
asleep, on his head
flowers, always crying
to nobody something about les
roses les bluets
yes,
will He buy?
Les belles bottes - oh hear
, pas cheres")

and my love slowly answered I think so. But
I think I see someone else

there is a lady, whose name is Afterwards
she is sitting beside young death, is slender;
likes flowers.

I want to live in a world where everything is fantastic and all the people are beautiful.

http://web.archive.org/web/20050507140206/e-sheep.com/main.shtml

Read all these comics! They are amazing.

This guy is who I wish I could argue like. :)

So I've been playing a lot of WoW lately, on RP servers, where the majority of time is spent storytelling or acting out your character instead of regular game stuff.

I've met a bunch of new good internet people this way.
I've also met a guy, lets call him Frank. And he plays a character, lets call that character MagicFrank.

He seems like an OK guy, and we make friends, and interact in character and by talking on AIM. He seems no stranger than your average internet kid. Our characters get into a awkward half-romance. I say I don't find romantic stories very interesting. He says then we can avoid it -- but posts a story from MagicFrank's point of view taking the 'breakup' as intensely painful and life-shattering. It is inconsistent for my character to let that sort of thing stand, and I feel a bit manipulated into the storyline, but it's made more interesting because now she's motivated by complex reasons and is a bit conflicted. I write my character (Call her Magic Silent_Claws) to act in what could be construed as a romantic way towards MagicFrank... blah blah storyplot. Frank seems uncomfortable playing out what amounts to a bad relationship for bad reasons. I worry that it's because he wants a "nice" romance to vicariously enjoy -- I am not comfortable with that, dating a real person in the real world and all.

On another simultaneous road... I try pretty hard to give awkward people the benefit of the doubt and also try to point out to awkward people when they're unintentionally doing something wrong/alienating people. Frank, on an internet forum, consistently comes off as superior, condescending, bigoted, and attention-seeking. I don't usually bring this up -- especially not to him because I like to keep the peace, and he is at base a decent kid without many friends, and I tend to act bigsisterly to that sort of person.

But, this shit is piling up and my patience is withering. And other friends of mine are on much shorter fuses and getting annoyed. I wind up calling him out on some really bad behavior, but he doesn't seem to realize that it's not just this one thing, it's a whole pattern of how he's been acting.

He IMs me, starting out with a big dramatic "GOODBYE TO OUR FRIENDSHIP" sort of opener. Then complaining about how distraught he was over getting called out (by another person -- call her H)I don't take his side. He winds up begging me to not abandon our friendship. He is getting really annoying. I block him on AIM.

He sends me an email! Which starts out AGAIN, with a big dramatic "GOODBYE TO OUR FRIENDSHIP". I post it here as a warning about the crazy that exists on the internet. (Bold as in the original, italics are my commentary) ( under here )

So that's what I've been doing.
How are all of you?

*Spring-cleaned*

New entries to come.

"You don't care about us!" the blue unicorn pony shouts, rearing on his hind hoofs on the counter, "You're just looking out for your own best interests!" The fist-sized spider clicks his claws as his comrades creep closer. "Oh, no," he replies in a sinister voice, "Since we bought controlling stock in Hasbro, spider interests are pony interests."

(Actual dialogue from tonight's dream)

I might write this one up as a short story, it begins with research in Australia, where gravity is 1/3 of normal, but only when falling out of trees. It continues with the UTTERLY HORRIBLE image of legions of spiders taking over my kitchen. with the goal of enslaving my My Little Ponies, which fight back valiantly in a cartoon heros sort of way, but are doomed.

WTF.

Another play! This one was in the past, and I was watching like it was a Pensieve memory, from the audience. My father had put it on for one of my birthdays, and I (Alternate-Universe sci-fi noblilty younger me, backstage) played a minor character. Some character actors I know from tv/movies were involved, but no significance, I think they're just in my mental file for "actor" and "people whose face/voices I know". The play was end-of-ancient ancient rome, again, and it was staged in the anti-round. That is, the audience sat in the middle, on the floor or on benches, and the action went on in a donut around them. I think I remember something at Disneyland like that. Anyway, the arena was huge, with white walls at least 2 stories high, the floor was covered in sawdust and there were whole companies of cavalry running around. It was something like a whatchamacallit, a murder-mystery-weekend thing, cos I know my character (the one my past-self was playing) had to make some sort of escape, and whether or not she/I actually escaped determined the course of the action. The costumes were made out of felting wool. Like, the expensive posh hand-dyed stuff you find at knitting shops. (wtf?) Cody on my right was telling me that a character walking past, a man called Pindar, was obviously good, because of the color/style of his costume. It was in earth colors. "See, there are gaps in his helmet." (which was constructed suspiciously like a variant on my wire baskets) She points him out. comparing it to another character's dark black and Stormtrooper-mass-produced-looking helmet. He hears this, and takes off his helmet. He has a face like Edward Norton on high contrast. "No, no good. I'm a gravedigger. I dig graves, I cut necks, I dig graves in the dark." was his reply. All of a sudden he was the only one in the room besides the audience and he seemed to be about to Emcee or give some important information. "Are you thin or are we fat?" Asks my friend Jodie on my left. "That's a good question," he pauses, "Let me reveal to you how stupid I am." But the question makes no sense, the actors are all in bulky costumes, if there is any size differential... I wake up.

>.>

Also I remember the imaginary version of the Milwaukee Museum mixed with the Milwaukee Zoo. (This was probably from a different rem cycle) It's quite nifty. Very pretty exhibits. There's this very dark tall hallway with sort of ridged half-cylinders on which hang round false-colored electron microscope pictures, backlit. They look just like strange modern art, which is the whole point. The philosophy of the museum seems to be that the whole world is pretty. Everything is very high up. The stuffed-exotic-animals wing fades right into the Zoological gardens... Heh. The complex is huge, there are helpful guides on golf carts to take you where you need to go but golf carts go only in restricted areas, since the place is designed for some sort of aesthetic experience/enlightenment.

anyway. Pictures would be more descriptive. I'll try. :)

For a taste of something like what I'm listening to at the moment, here's a mix of music I rather liked but can't dance to -- I was compiling a mix of dance songs for a few folks to dance to in lieu of the more conservative exercise bikes. :P

UNdanceable
Sparklehorse - its a wonderful life
Jeremy Enigk - Don't go Racing
pink martini - sympathique
paris combo - dans les bras d'un loup
zap mama - iko iko
manu chao - desaparecido
kenna - vexed and glorious
in-grid - in-tango
dune - starchild
beulah - a good man is easy to kill
bessie smith - me and my gin
basement jaxx - yo yo
badly drawn boy - once around the block
architecture in helsinki - city calm down

I just had a dream that I staged a lost Shakespeare play, and most of the actors were little kids, family or "doofy mentor" figures from my childhood (i.e. assistant soccer coaches etc) so I was astonished it was going so well. It was a succession drama, set in sort of post-Barbarian Rome, involving at least one vampire. Cody cross-played a old friend/retainer of the king called Tullus Crucius. I was in an owl costume. I remember vividly being astonished by the quality of the lo-fi stage effects, both since I was in charge of them (yet I was watching from the first row of the balcony) and because my cast by all rights should be screwing things up. At one point in the first act (all I could watch before I woke up) the son of the king gets stabbed in a pool (he would later become reanimated by the devil) the blood and water effects went on with a strong white light and pieces of acrylic rope. I wish the awesomeness wasn't merely due to dream logic. Actually it was at that point that I realized I was dreaming, and the beginning of the next act, with the arrival of Crucius, happend as I floated awake.

I wish I could remember more, cos the dialogue was very good, dramatic, and surprisingly funny. I didn't know my brain could come up with these things.